Stop Trying To Be Perfect – Focus On Improving!

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• Are you held back because you are trying to be perfect?
• Do you end up not doing things you want to do because you think you won’t be good enough?
• Do you worry about what everyone else will say and end up not even trying?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of the above questions, then chances are, you are doing what most people on the planet do. This is to hold themselves back because they are afraid of not being ‘perfect’, forgetting that perfection doesn’t really exist. The real work is in the journey we take to improve ourselves, and that’s where the rewards lie too, not really in the outcome. The reason this is true is that once we arrive at what we might mistakenly call ‘perfection’, we quickly find that this new state is not enough and give ourselves new goals and ambitions we want to achieve, and the process starts all over again. The goal is not the real achievement, but the process of improving ourselves along the way is.

If you are an athlete, competing in your local athletics meet. You might first set yourself the goal of winning the 100m at the next meet, thinking that you will be satisfied with that win – it will be ‘perfect’ if you win.

Now some people will train and work hard, but if they feel that they don’t have it in them to win at the next meet, they may try to back out, or justify to themselves why they are not ready or invent a reason why they can’t attend. And you know what? They won’t win because they won’t even show up!

Perfectionists often exhibit a range of traits that can be both positive and negative. Here are some common traits of perfectionists, along with some research insights:

1. High standards: Perfectionists set very high personal standards for themselves and others. They strive for flawlessness and set ambitious goals.
2. All-or-nothing thinking: They tend to think in extremes, viewing situations as either perfect or a complete failure.
3. Critical self-evaluations: Perfectionists are often highly self-critical and may focus on their mistakes rather than their achievements.
4. Fear of failure: They may have an intense fear of making mistakes or failing, which can lead to procrastination and avoidance of tasks.
5. Overly critical of others: Perfectionists may also be critical of others, expecting them to meet the same high standards.
6. Procrastination: Despite their drive for perfection, they may procrastinate due to fear of not meeting their high standards.
7. Low self-esteem: Their self-worth is often tied to their achievements, leading to low self-esteem when they feel they haven’t met their goals.
8. Perfectionism across generations: Research has shown that perfectionism has increased among young people since the 1980s, possibly due to societal pressures and social media.

Research on perfectionism has found that while certain aspects can be beneficial, such as high motivation and conscientiousness, the negative aspects can lead to stress, anxiety, and depression. Studies have also shown that perfectionism can impair performance and well-being, especially when individuals set unrealistic standards and evaluate themselves harshly.

Don’t be that person! Get up and try something new!

Goals are excellent tools because they can motivate you and give you a clear path to work on. But if the goal is so far away from where you are now, and you have the highest expectations of yourself, without allowing yourself the right to try, fail and learn from the experience, then the success that you yearn for will always be out of reach.

Instead of aiming for perfection, set yourself the task of improving one thing each day. It might be to write 200 words for a blog post, or it might be to write 2000. It might be to do one extra press-up or eat 100 fewer calories. But the important point is, that whatever your ultimate goal is, you move closer to it. That way your success is assured as long as you don’t give up.

Here are some ways to help if you are a perfectionist:

1. Set realistic goals:
   • Set achievable and manageable goals rather than striving for perfection in everything.
2. Practice self-compassion:
   • Be kind to yourself and recognise that making mistakes is a natural part of learning and growth.
3. Focus on progress, not perfection:
   • Shift your emphasis from achieving perfect results to acknowledging and celebrating progress and effort.
4. Embrace imperfection:
   • Accept that imperfection is a part of life and that it’s okay to have flaws and make mistakes.
5. Break tasks into smaller steps:
   • Divide larger tasks into smaller, more manageable steps to reduce feelings of overwhelm.
6. Set realistic time limits:
   • Set time limits for tasks to prevent overworking and overanalysing every detail.

     

7. Challenge your own negative thinking:
   • Identify and challenge negative self-talk and replace it with positive and realistic affirmations.
8. Seek feedback:
   • Seek constructive feedback from trusted others to gain different perspectives and avoid being overly self-critical.
9. Prioritise self-care:
   • Emphasize the importance of self-care activities like exercise, relaxation, and hobbies to reduce stress and improve overall well-being.
10. Learn to delegate:
    • Delegate tasks to others and trust that they will handle them competently.
11. Practice mindfulness:
    • Introduce mindfulness techniques such as meditation or deep breathing exercises to help you stay present and reduce anxiety.
12. Set boundaries:
    • Establish healthy boundaries to prevent overcommitting and feeling stretched too thin.
13. Seek professional support:
    • If perfectionism significantly impacts your daily life, consider seeking help from a therapist or counsellor.

Remember, overcoming perfectionism is a gradual process, and it’s important to be patient and kind to yourself.

How to deal with perfectionism in others

Perfectionists can breed other perfectionists so you may find yourself surrounded by people with similar traits. Once you have mastered your own mind and are being kinder to yourself, turn your attention to how you deal with others.

Here are some friendly yet important tips and tricks for dealing compassionately with a perfectionist:

1. Set clear expectations: Be upfront about what is expected and what is acceptable. Help them understand that perfection is not always necessary and that sometimes “good enough” is truly good enough.
2. Encourage a growth mindset: Remind them that mistakes and failures are opportunities for growth and learning. Reinforce the idea that progress is more important than perfection.
3. Provide constructive feedback: When giving feedback, focus on specific behaviours and outcomes rather than their personality. Be positive and encouraging while pointing out areas for improvement.
4. Recognise their efforts: Acknowledge and celebrate their hard work and achievements, even if the end result isn’t perfect. This can help boost their confidence and reduce the pressure they put on themselves.
5. Promote balance and self-care: Encourage them to take breaks, relax, and engage in activities they enjoy. Remind them that taking care of themselves is crucial for long-term success.

   

6. Model realistic standards: Lead by example and show that it’s okay to make mistakes. Share your own experiences of imperfection and how you’ve learned from them.
7. Create a supportive environment: Foster a culture of collaboration and support rather than competition. Encourage teamwork and mutual respect.
8. Set realistic time limits: Help them manage their time by setting realistic deadlines and encouraging them to stick to them. This can prevent over-analysis and procrastination.
9. Use positive affirmations: Encourage them to use positive affirmations to combat negative self-talk. Remind them of their strengths and the value they bring to the team.
10. Focus on the big picture: Help them see the bigger picture and understand that perfection in every detail isn’t always necessary. Encourage them to prioritise tasks and focus on what truly matters.

By combining these strategies, you can create a supportive environment that helps perfectionists thrive without being bogged down by unrealistic standards. Remember, the goal is to help them (and you) realise their potential while maintaining a healthy and balanced approach to their work.

The path to the top of the mountain is rarely straight up!

In conclusion, stop trying to be perfect and instead, appreciate the journey, and celebrate your progress and small successes on the way! For example, what have you done to improve yourself today and move you towards your goal? Why not celebrate that?

If you adopt this approach, you’ll reach the top of the mountain sooner than you think, and get there just in time to see the next peak!

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