Want to know why bad things always seem to happen to you? Do you know things need to change but you’re not sure what to do or how to do it? “Why is this always happening to me?” is one of your most common phrases… Why? Why? Why?! But… what if you could shift your perspective slightly and ask yourself a different question? What if you asked instead: “Why is this happening FOR me?” Do you feel a shift? That’s the power of asking the right questions and moving through your own spiritual evolution. And it starts when we recognise the difference between talking about things happening TO ME or FOR ME.
This is one of the most profound transformations on the spiritual path which we all go through. Maybe this is your wake-up call because this shift in perspective determines how we view our life’s events. At different stages of awareness, we experience life in one of three ways. The question is – where are YOU currently?
- Life happens to me – you feel powerless and victimised with unwanted situations occurring often
- Life happens for me – you begin to see that your challenges have a purpose and can teach you valuable lessons
- Life happens through me – you surrender to the Divine flow of life and co-create with the universe as you were meant to do
This IS the spiritual journey – from separation to oneness with Source energy, the Divine, God or whatever you want to call the ultimate creative force. As we evolve spiritually, we move from feeling like victims of circumstances to realising that life is happening for us, ultimately reaching a place where we see ourselves as channels for, and connected to our own higher wisdom.
If you’ve reached your own personal nirvana, you can probably skip the rest of this article. But if not, let’s explore these three perspectives and how to transition between them. The good news is that you don’t need to stay trapped – there is light at the end of the tunnel.
1. “To Me” – Victim consciousness
At this stage, life feels unfair. Challenges are seen as obstacles rather than opportunities. In this mindset, people believe external circumstances dictate their happiness, and they often feel powerless.
“You are not the victim of the world, but rather the master of your own destiny.” – A Course in Miracles
Characteristics of this stage:
- Feeling stuck or trapped in situations
- Blaming others or circumstances for problems
- Repeating negative patterns and feeling like nothing ever changes
- Experiencing a sense of hopelessness or resentment
Examples of what people say:
- Nothing ever works out for me
- It’s because of my bad childhood
- My boss won’t give me a chance because he doesn’t like me
- Everyone is always horrible to me
Examples:
Sarah feels trapped in an unfulfilling job. She complains about her difficult boss and blames the economy for her lack of career growth. She believes that no matter what she does, things won’t change.
Harry wants to move out of his parent’s home as he says they are always telling him what to do and how to live his life. He believes that there are no jobs because of the rise in unemployment in the neighbourhood and that no one will employ him anyway because he doesn’t have much experience. He goes out with his mates and they all complain about how bad things are nowadays for young people.
How to shift from “To Me” to “For Me”:
- Practise self-awareness – Notice when you blame others and pay attention to the language you use and the words you say. If you find yourself down the pub/at a mate’s house/in a coffee shop and all you are doing is moaning about your current situation, then STOP! Literally, stop what you are saying and say nothing. Make the conscious choice to stop gossiping, complaining and justifying why you are in the situation you are in. These behaviours keep you trapped in your victim consciousness
- Ask yourself better questions – Instead of asking yourself “WHY is this happening to me?” ask, “What can I learn from this situation? What is it trying to teach me?”
- Reflect honestly and look inwardly – You cannot hide from yourself, so stop trying! Look in the mirror and ask yourself what would happen if you looked at the situation differently. Do you need to be more compassionate or understanding? Do you really need to make more of an effort? Do you need to stop ‘banging your head against a brick wall’ and look for other alternatives? Ask yourself these and other difficult questions, and really listen to your honest answers
- Reframe the situation – This is where you begin to think of moving from “To Me” to “For Me” so instead of seeing obstacles as punishments, you start to see them as opportunities for growth
- Make a plan for change – List the things that YOU can do to change and leave everyone else out of the picture. You cannot change anyone else – ever! Don’t try. Change yourself and you will notice how your reality changes around you
Other things you can do to help
- Start a gratitude practice – Write down three things you are grateful for each day to shift your focus.
- Begin to meditate – Quieten your habitual chatter and complaining by sitting quietly for 15 – 20 minutes each day and focusing on your breathing. Let all other thoughts drift in and out without judgment. You will eventually, through practice, learn to stop reacting impulsively to situations and start to be able to respond in a more considered and appreciative way instead
How are you doing? Do you recognise yourself yet? Are you consciously in “To me” or “For me?”
2. “For Me” – Taking responsibility
At this stage, a shift occurs and you realise life is no longer something that happens to you, but something you appreciate that happens for you. As a result, you begin to see hardships as opportunities for personal growth and your soul expands and becomes more – for the greater good of all.
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” – Viktor Frankl
Characteristics of this stage:
- Recognising that struggles carry valuable lessons
- Taking responsibility for thoughts, actions, and emotions
- Feeling empowered to make changes and create new opportunities
- Shifting from blame to gratitude
Examples of what people say:
- That time I lost my job was really the best thing that happened because I then started my own business
- I can see that I was mean to my sister and I should apologise
- Even though things appear to be bad, I know that things will get better in time
- I may not have got that particular job, but there are lots of jobs out there if I look for them
- That person might not like me but there are plenty of people who do and no one gets on with everyone
Examples:
Sarah realises that her dissatisfaction at work is a sign she needs change. Instead of blaming her boss, she starts looking for new opportunities, exploring her true passions, and developing new skills herself.
Harry realises that if he wants to move out, he needs to find a job. He makes a plan to go to the job centre and ask for help and as a result, enrols on a free evening class to improve his skills. As he is no longer in the house all day doing nothing, he starts to get on better with his parents who offer to help look for a flat.
How to shift from “For Me” to “Through Me”:
- Practise trust – Remind yourself that everything is happening in divine timing and for your ultimate good. As Esther Hicks would say: “Everything is always working out for me“
- Let go of control – Instead of forcing outcomes, open yourself to guidance from intuition or the universe
- Enjoy the journey – The song “It’s the Climb” has it right here – life’s not really about the outcome or achieving the goal, life is really about the journey that we undertake and the transformation we undergo whilst doing it. So learn to celebrate every day as an achievement rather than storing up your joy for the end goal
Other things you can do
- Find your flow in creative ways – Engage in creative activities where you feel naturally connected to something greater than yourself. Sing, dance, paint, build something or go for a walk. Find something that YOU love to do and make this a priority for you
- Widen your spiritual practice – Read books about the spiritual journey, talk to others, join a local or online group and investigate the things that are interesting to you. As you metaphorically “follow the white rabbit”, you will be led to where you need to be, when you need to be there. Trust and enjoy the ride
3. “Through Me” – Co-creation and flow
At this third stage, life is no longer seen as something to control or struggle against. Instead, you recognise yourself as a vessel for higher energy and the expansion of the universe through you. You trust the process, knowing that you are co-creating with the universe.
“You do not have to push the river, it flows by itself.” – Fritz Perls
Characteristics of this stage:
- Living in alignment with intuition and purpose
- Letting go of resistance and trusting divine guidance
- Feeling a deep sense of peace and connection to all things
- Experiencing synchronicities and effortless flow
Examples of what people say:
- I trust in the Divine purpose and let it unfold through me
- I am the light
- We are all one
- “There are no ‘others “- This is a quote from RJ Spina which I love
Examples:
Sarah has now stepped into her passion and purpose. Opportunities seem to appear effortlessly, and she no longer stresses over controlling every outcome. She trusts that she is guided in the right direction and embraces life as a co-creator of her life and the reality she perceives.
Harry has gained some additional qualifications and has got a job he enjoys. He also shares a flat with another young person who he met on his evening course, and they get on well. He goes to see his parents often and consequently, they have a much-improved relationship. He has given up worrying about what might happen and is letting things unfold naturally.
Final Thoughts on To Me or For Me: Embracing the Journey
Finally, these shifts don’t happen overnight, and some may never move between stages if they are harbouring a victim mentality that they cannot get past in this life. The key is awareness; once you recognise where you are, you can take steps to shift your perspective. As you grow spiritually, life begins to flow with more ease, and you become a co-creator of your reality.
“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” – Paulo Coelho
Are you ready to move from To Me to Through Me? Start small, trust the process, and allow the universe to work through you.
What’s after that? Now that’s a whole other story…
A brief note about the inspiration for this post
I was watching a YouTube interview on Next Level Soul with Alex Ferrari and Sheila Gillette who is a channel for the non-physical entity known as Theo. During the interview, she brought up the question of what happens when people shift from talking about “To me” to “For Me”, and I knew I wanted to write about this. The extension is moving to the “Through Me” perception, and there are others such as “As Me” which we can evolve into as well. So, here’s a shout-out to Sheila and Theo to say ‘thank you’ for pointing me in this direction.
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